I really want to go play at an open mic just to have the experience. I’ve never really sung “out” into a microphone away from karaoke, and a live performance sounds like it’d be such a rush.

Things I have performed on some sort of stage in front of an audience:
- a play when I was in some summer camp during elementary school
- a silly dance from some silly Asian child summer camp I despised
- Taiwanese sign language songs
- kung fu
- piano and violin -  not at the same time, though

I’ve never once had a chance to play my geetar or piano and sing into a microphone in front of an audience, and the whole idea just seem surreal to me. A few more years of practice would probably be a wise before I can feel comfortable singing for an audience, but who cares? I guess it’s would be like having a first martini: it’s probably not nearly as good as the James Bond makes it sound, but still pretty good. Not that I drink.

Oh yeah, the reason I am typing this is because there’s an open mic THIS WEDNESDAY and I can’t decide if I want to take the leap. It is so dangerous yet so tempting.

-b.

And not only 25 things about myself, but 25 things I bet you never knew. That’s not going to be easy — there are people who read my Xanga who know me so well that I think they know me as well as I know myself.

Eh. People who know me very very well — I’m going to ignore that you exist for the remainder of this post.

1. I lived with my cousin who I nicknamed Clairebear for a couple years. I learned so much from her. I think she’s helped encourage what others would call my “metro” side. Some of the things that I can list that you probably don’t know about me can be credited to her.
2. I enjoy shopping for clothes. Cute clothes interest me. I have pretty good taste in clothes, but not enough money. I would be revamping my wardrobe if I did have money. I like shopping for ladies’ clothing (with the ladies for the ladies) as much as or more than I like shopping for men’s clothing. Only because girls have more interesting clothes and accessories. Blame Clairebear.
3. I understand how girls’ makeup and hair works and I can help with suggestions. I cannot do it myself, but it’s okay: I don’t put it on myself. This is also credited to Clairebear.
4. I watched a multitude of  YouTube videos about the above topics with Clairebear and it’s now a habit I can’t get rid of. Because of this, I can tell you more interesting ways to tie a ponytail,  how to steam your face at home, how to make a honey and aspirin face mask, how to apply smoky eye makeup, how to prevent your mascara from smudging the rest of your makeup with an index card, and how to make your hair into a half up half down ‘do for an out of the ordinary occasion. No joke.
5. I can cook. I do it almost daily and I sometimes do it for more than one person. It’s really not hard to cook meals at home when you live in a modern society in which ingredients can be bought at SuperTarget.
6. I can and do (stress) bake. I can make my own stuff out of scratch, but I have been buying break ‘n’ bake cookie dough lately just because of the convenience. Most of my stress baking is probably related to the stress eating that occurs after the baking is done.
7. I try to go to the gym around 9 hours a week, around 3 hours a day, 3 days a week. When I miss gym days, I feel guilty and disappointed in myself. During the summer, I would play 2 hours of tennis in the morning and the head to the gym later that day to work out for three hours. Oh, what good shape I was in.
8. I have played violin and piano for more than 10 years. I haven’t had lessons in a while, and I don’t practice very much at all. It’s bad. I love the music, but I am lacking in motivation. Reasons why I am not going to be a music major +1
9. I wish I could dance like Taeyang. I can’t really explain this one. 
10. The comforter on my bed is pink with squares on it. It is Clairebear’s comforter that I used to nap with when she was still here; she’d be working on her essays while I slept on her bed until she decided to go to bed so that she could wake me up to go work on my essays from 2-6 AM… if that made any sense. Now that she moved back to Taiwan, I am keeping the comforter. It’s just so damn nice.
11. I absolutely love interning at the hospital, and I do it as much as I can because it feels like what I will want to do with my life someday. Interning is also like an escape from my own life in that I am involved in things much more important than myself when I am at the hospital following the doctors and nurses around. (I wonder if any of the nurses or doctors are annoyed by me… I wonder this a lot.)
12. I watch a lot of TV… on my computer. Series I am currently following: White Collar, Burn Notice, Dexter, and The Big Bang Theory. I followed House and Scrubs, but there are just so many episodes that I don’t feel like I can catch up again without binging it all at once.
13. I cringe every time I see someone misuse “your” for “you’re” or vice versa. It really isn’t that hard to get it right! “Your stupid” is such an ironic and nonsensical declaration to make.
14. I’ve learned that when certain people start pushing me away because they think they can get away with it, I might as well do the same because I am worth it. Isn’t that the Covergirl motto?
15. I work at a massage shop. I give massages, but I am probably not supposed to admit to that. As far as legally, I am only a clerk who translates for the non-English speaking employees. That said, I can give a mean chair massage.
16. I am not Christian, but I feel that to be literate in English, it is important for me to be familiar with the Bible. Though I have not read it, I have amassed a working knowledge of the commonly alluded to stories.
17. I spent more than ten years of my life 100% set on becoming a doctor. I am now no longer sure of that. No, I am not afraid of the long road ahead if I choose to become a physician, and yes, I know it is brutally hard. I just don’t know whether I’d make a better nurse or doctor. Working with the nurses has shown me a side of the medical field that I think I may love more than the diagnosing aspect. (Elaboration here.)
18. When I say I love my mother, it is because I know that I do. Even though I can’t stand her antics and many of the things she does and says to/about me, I know there’s love down there somewhere. I think I am a different person around her because I know that she knows exactly what buttons to push to drive me over the edge. 
19. I’ve been playing guitar and singing since the winter of my freshman year of highschool. So that means it’s been 3 years now. I’m still working on it, and maybe I’ll be really really good someday.
20. I don’t sing in the shower because I afraid of being heard. I am waaaaayyyy too self conscious to sing in the shower. 
21. I enjoy dressing shirt and tie. I think I get more tips at work when I dress better. I like the way vests look with the shirt and tie, but I don’t have any occasions to wear vests, so I have never felt the need to buy one. If only…
22. I fall asleep in class a lot. Even in orchestra, with my violin and bow in hand, I can still find a way to fall asleep. I’ve had teachers spray water on me, kick me, and throw things at me to wake me up in class. It rarely works.
23. I have an amazing autopilot system that kicks in when someone is trying to wake me up while I’m asleep. I can answer a phone, hold an academic and coherent conversation, get up and walk across my room to turn off my alarm clock… pretty much do anything anyone else can do awake, while I’m asleep. It’s only cool when it’s not making me late for things. My amazing autopilot system is why I set my alarm clock for 15 minutes before I actually need to get up.
24. I know almost every Bath & Body Works fragrance. I like Sea Island Cotton, Japanese Cherry Blossom, Wild Honeysuckle, and Dancing Waters as well as the overused Cucumber Melon and Country Apple.
25. I have such high standards when it comes to relationships that I can’t find a girl who’ll measure up. I literally don’t know any girls that would be able to last in a relationship with me. Someday, right?

Yep. I also have a list of 16 things that I was tagged for and posted on Facebook a while back, and maybe I could post those some time just for kicks. The 16 things on that list should be a list of things that are pretty obvious to those around me.

-bbbbbbbb.

Believe me, this is the absolute cleanest my bathroom has been in ages. I sanitized every single surface in the freaking bathroom; mirror, counter, (every single surface of the frickin’) toilet, sink fixture, bathtub, the drawers and cabinets, the floor, the shelves… I have pretty much cleaned everything in my bathroom except the ceiling.

I’m proud. Damn proud.

Now it’s time to start doing English, Calculus, and Biology homework. Cry.

-bbbbabwboawjrboaeilawhgfajifw

Why did I write that? I don’t even remember. Anyhow, I obviously wasn’t thinking clearly because I forgot that sometimes, I don’t have any of those moments when I pull all nighters and prevent myself from drifting away from my work and worries.

-bbbbbbbbbbaweiofwawefahiaklvjhsienjsrldb.

“Why don’t you ever keep your door unlocked when you’re at home?”
“I never get to talk to you because you’re always locking yourself in your room…”

Because when I do, nothing good (or even unoffensive) ever comes out your fucking mouth when I keep it open. If you didn’t abuse the privilege every time I decide to let my room vent out to the rest of the house…

Yeah. I did try keeping things open. It got me bitched at regular intervals for the past four hours.

I really shouldn’t bother.

-bbbbbwfaowefjawfhawilghdlf

Cologne-wise, I like Acqua Di Gio and Chrome for myself.
Perfume-wise, I enjoy some of the Vera Wang (sometimes her fragrances are a little on the conservative side, though), and pretty much any perfume that matches the girl that wears it well.
Aromatherapy-wise, lavender chamomile is most definitely my favorite. Bath And Body Works’s Japanese Cherry Blossom isn’t so shabby either.

So yeah. I like many different fragrances.

-bbbbb-wise.

The underrated smell of good food when hungry is also one of my favorites (as long as the food is for me).

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

This is the same song that I stuck on YouTube, except with the guitar part melody actually included in the intro and outro portions. Mind you, this is still not a completely finished version as some things (i.e. intonation, tone, sucking, mixing issues) were really hard to fix. I just find that I am tired of calling it Song3.txt just because I can’t come up with a name.

So, anyway… creative people out there, any ideas for a song title? I would appreciate some suggestions.

-bbbbbbbbbbbbreebswaafowejwawiogbeofjxcjxv

So today was the second time that I have seen a patient pass at internship. This patient differs from the first patient that I had pass away in that I was observing the nurse who was assigned her room when she was first admitted into the hospital and I helped take care of her in the little ways that I can as a high school intern (i.e. I am allowed to help move people, help grab IV piggybacks, IV bags out of the refrigerator, take blood pressures, and oodles of other things) on many of my internship days before I walked into the room to find the ominous words tumbling out of the nurses’ mouths as they suctioned the patient’s mouth dry of her last spittle: “She passed.” The first patient passing that I experienced was another nurses’ patient that I had not followed at all, and there was a large support base of family members, whereas this second patient was alone in her room when another nurse walked in and discovered her.

 
Continue reading →

Let’s see how long it takes me to get crucified. Bad decisions, man. Paha. I s’pose you might as well watch/listen and rate now that it’s up there. It’ll probably be gone in a jiffy after the meaner trolls start mocking my awkwardness.

So anyway. I really do want to write a post about my issues with college apps and my confusion about my chosen future profession(s), but it is really not the time. Maybe in a couple days.

-bbbbbbbaweiofwwegivesupfornowbbb.

Lyrics after the Continue reading →

Yes. I’m up for full legalization. If that’s not possible, at least medical legalization.

To be succinct, I believe it should be legalized because its benefits outweigh arguments against legalization.

Some reasons:

1. Marijuana has been shown in many scientific studies to yield health benefits including, but not limited to, reducing cancer spread, killing brain cancer cells, balancing moods, reducing pain, increasing appetite, alleviating asthmatic symptoms. (The International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems reported over 250 indications for medical marijuana between 1990 and 2005.)
2. The “impairs driving” argument is rendered moot by the fact that alcohol, which obviously impairs driving, is legal. Plus, most stoners are probably not in the mood to drive around while high. Stoners KNOW when they are impaired and are more likely to pull over to the side of the road for a nap than to drive too fast and endanger lives.
3. The gateway drug theory is also ridiculous because alcohol and tobacco are also considered gateway drugs; plus, the theory is still controversial and unproven with scientific studies showing some results in favor and some not.
4. It doesn’t have to be smoked. It’s a plant. You can put it in foods, even infuse cooking oil with it.
5. It’s a plant that has been used for ages. People have been stupid for ages.
6. Those who believe that legalization will end up increasing abuse, I beg to differ. The abusers will find a way to get their fix whether or not it’s legal; legalization makes it easier for those who really need it to get it.

Sure people can become addicted to Cannabis, but people can also be addicted to sex too. We should focus on outlawing sex then, right?

Also…
I talked to a lymphoma survivor at work who says that cannabis was one of the only things he found to be effective for reducing the side effects of his chemotherapy, both reducing pain and vomiting as well as increasing his appetite. And being in Texas, he had to find less than legal channels to obtain his marijuana. (“Friends, y’know?” he said.) If we legalize it, medically at least, we can bring the benefits safely to a demographic that could definitely use it. I say safe because government regulated medical marijuana would not be the subject of the “What’s actually in this?” question regarding possibly harmful adulterants.

So yeah. If you don’t want to decriminalize and legalize completely, I say that you should at least support the legalization of medical marijuana. Why be a roadblock to an effective treatment tool for a multitude of health problems?

Sorry for the disorganization. It IS 3:16 AM.

-bbbbbbbbawefwefwoidoesn’tevenusemarijuanasdfsdw.

PS: If you disagree, use logic please. I welcome your input. You might just change my mind if you’re convincing enough.

PPS: If you want sources, I can provide them for you if you’re too lazy to find them on your own.

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!