Sloppy, I know. Spring is sort of here, and the plants are raping my nose.

[Sorry]

I remember when I felt this
I remember when I lost it
I remember when I loved it
I don't remember what caused it

I feel a little too soft
I feel like I'm falling too hard
I feel like I'm grabbing at straws
I feel like, I worry a lot (so far)

No, I'm really not that mad
If anything, just a bit sad
Not much we can do to stop that
So just stay here if you can

But I don't see you here with me
So I can't say sorry... for being difficult

[Overkill]

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
Perhaps it's just imagination

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
It's time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation

At least there's pretty lights
And though there's little variation
It nullifies the night
From overkill

[Chorus]

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situation
I know will be alright
It's just overkill

[Chorus]

I had an idea, and I couldn't pass it up... and I can't stop eating this junk food. I never should've stepped foot into the candy aisle.

-bbbbbbbbbbbbb.

Slightly rough cover of Give Me Love recorded earlier today. Impromptu piano arrangement and first take final take basically. Wasn't perfect, but yee.

Hope it's chill. And I hope the Xanga audio player is working.

-b.

 The album, if anyone's interested, ha.

In the hilarious words of my big... "last minute contestant, the true underdog story featuring HK Roldy"! I really did not go in with any expectations of winning, and it was an enjoyable experience overall. Good times were had.

Updated with videos here... recorded by a friend for posterity. My friends at OU filled about two rows of the auditorium and surprised me with a sign and banner that was super inspiring.

Opening dance

Contestant Video

Traditional Wear/Bio

Talent Portion

(I forgot half the lyrics to the first verse for the worst reason... One Direction started playing in my head because the last contestant's act included that song really loud... super cute performance though lol link here)

Impromptu Question (wearing one of dad's ties... how fitting.)

Award Presentation

I think I picked the perfect song to describe the situation.

Some nights I stay up cashing in my bad luck. Some nights I call it a draw.
Some nights I wish that my lips could build a castle, some nights I wish they'd just fall off.

Some nights wish that this all would end, 'cause I could use some friends for a change.
Some nights I'm scared you'll forget me again. Some nights I always win (I ALWAYS WIN!?)

-b.

Workin' on it still. I had been singing for 8 hours when I got around to recording this take. A little fatigued, but I'm just glad it happened.

-b.

A Bruno Mars cover. How demanding... totally shouldn't be doing this before performance day!

Just for kicks. Rough, but should be listenable.

When all of your flaws and all of my flaws are counted...

-b.

It feels like life is moving way too fast right now and I'm not always able to stay on top of everything.

I'm going to just keep reminding myself that Hard Work Pays Off.

And my hands make ugly hearts, lol

I'd make a terrible girl.

-b.

Hope y'all enjoy.

3:30 am:

I found that recording this at 3am felt much more appropriate. Had to be cautious to not wake the roommate up and have him smother me in my sleep later.

Covering the Bonnie Rait original with a Bon Iver-flavored imagination. Quickly recorded and quickly mixed, a completely raw one take session.

"I Can't Make You Love Me" covered by Breebs

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

I feel better now.

Good night.

-b.

PS: I know I'm saying "you" in the chorus. Intentional.

I love my Analyzing Contemporary Pop Culture class. I don't think most people know why I'm so interested in pop culture. I grew up in the 90's without having much of any access to learning about pop culture. For example, I was allowed to listen to nothing but classical music until I was almost out of elementary school. I would secretly listen to the radio at night... which ended up in my discovery of the show Loveline, of which I'm still a huge fan of today. Anyhow, I digress.

I was supposed to do a quick analysis of Tik Tok for class discussion tomorrow... this is what I came up with. Excuse the roughness, it's made to be conversation/discussion fodder rather than a final draft.

A spontaneous 4am temptation to record an old original results in... neh. It still applies -- not exactly the same way -- but it still does.

Apologies for the rough parts. Also, it is hard to record without being a loud jerk to my roommate... he hasn't come by to tell me to stfu so far so I think it's chill. Heh.

Not Gonna Fall

I spent all day telling
myself that I'm fine
I can't help but think
that you should be mine
I'm helpless in this,
get out of my head,
I find that there are words to be said

I want you, you're perfect
You need me, I'm worth it
Stay with me, I'm nervous
Come hold me, I need this

Leave me alone
you're distracting my thoughts
Find me my home,
'cause you're getting me lost
I'm waiting for you
to get out of my head
so I might finally get some rest

I want you, you're perfect
You need me, I'm worth it
Stay with me, I'm nervous
Come hold me, I need this

Not gonna fall
Not gonna fall for this
Not gonna let my heart tell my mind what to do
Not gonna go
Not gonna go ahead
And do what you want me to do

I'm not gonna fall for you.  x2

I want you, you're perfect
You need me, I'm worth it
Stay with me, I'm nervous
Come hold me, I need this

I'm not gonna fall for you.

Usually when I start singing this song, it's just about too late, lol.

-b.